A Brief (and very incomplete) Field Guide to The Creatures of the Fantastical Realms
Coffee dragons are some of the most rare and solitary of dragons. They are also some of the most sought after creatures in all of the Fantastical Realms. Their bodies range in color from a dark, dark blackish-brown, to a creamy, milky, delicious-looking-coffee-with-milk color, and all range of oranges and browns and blacks between. They can fly, and (most importantly and deliciously) they can breath a jet of scalding hot, absolutely perfect espresso.
Many an old, wizened coffee drinker will wax poetic as they tell of the time they tried Coffee Dragon Espresso.
If you are lucky enough to ever run across one of these creatures it will be, most likely, somewhere with an unimpeachable reputation for incredible and lovingly brewed coffee.
EDIT:
Confirmed Coffee Dragon sighting at Petaluma Coffee & Tea Company in Petaluma, CA.
Considered the most well-read and cultured beings in The Fantastical Realms, these burrowing, highly intelligent creatures can be found wherever great art is combined with great writing.
Comic books are, to most (of the goodly sort of) Magical Creatures, the height of art and culture. As such, the sophisticated Berblin’s life is dedicated to the pursuit of these great works. These ancient and wise creatures will take up residence anywhere comic books can be found. There they will study, read, collect, and discuss all aspects of said comics with their fellow Berblins.
While all of this sounds well and fine and dandy, Berblins can wreak havoc with walls, floors, ceilings, foundations, etc, as they are ferocious diggers, and care not one bit what they are digging through.
If you find yourself with a Digging Berblin problem it is best to surround their burrows with old musty school text books, or How-To books for out-of-date software.
EDIT:
Confirmed Digging Berblin sighting at Brian’s Comics in Petaluma, CA
Gremlins are annoying, frustrating, incorrigible creatures completely devoted to Mischief in all of its mischievous forms: missing socks, lost keys, mysteriously broken toys, malfunctioning electronics, dead batteries that (you swear) you just replaced, tacks on the ground, morning alarms going off (when you’re sure you turned them all off),
oven timers not going off (and burning the whatever-it-was-you-were-cooking), gates left open, glasses left on the chair, toothpaste switched with frosting, glasses of water switched with vinegar, salt instead of sugar, clogged toilets… Such is the handiwork of your average, happy, industrious, absolutely annoying Gremlin.
Want to know how to get rid of a Gremlin in your house?
So do we. We’ve tried every remedy, trap, and trick that we could find. No luck.
For any tips on Gremlin removal, eviction or otherwise evacuation, please let us know.
EDIT:
Holiday shenanigans reported in downtown Santa Rosa - Gremlins suspected.
The Hozzle are book lovers in the same way that you or I are pizza or taco lovers. Hozzle have a penchant for pages; they’re famished for fiction; they’re hungry for Hemingway. Which is to say: they eat books. The better the book, the better the taste. If you’ve never had a Hozzle infestation, you might want to review your book collection, because it is probably not delicious. Most libraries, museums, book stores, universities and private collectors have dealt with a Hozzle or two (or three…. hundred).
Signs of a Hozzle infestation:
-Missing books.
-Books with small bites in them.
-Piles of pulpy, papery, soggy, chewed-up book where your book used to be.
The best way to deal with a Hozzle infestation is to get a cat. If you’re looking for a kinder and gentler solution, you can sprinkle salt or lemon zest into the pages of your books, or around your bookshelves.
If you’re not against sharing your home with a community of tiny, ragged, book-munching, congenial scallywags, then start buying at least 2 of every book. And, naturally, please make sure that you’re buying quality books. There’s nothing worse than a colony of disgusted, insulted, hangry Hozzle in one’s own home.
You know, you’d think that with so many cultures sharing ancient tales about Trolls (Oni, in Japanese stories, Bauk in Russian stories, etc.) these grumpy brutes would be taken a little more seriously by your average Municipal Government. And yet, here we are with our lattes and cell phones, thinking: ‘everything is just fine,’ and ‘let’s not worry about Trolls. Let’s just ignore that one fellow trying to bring up Troll Safety (again) at the City Council Meeting.’
Do Not Go Gentle Into That Troll-Filled Night, I say! Trolls are a very real problem, and it’s time we did something about it.
Double check that footbridge.
Don’t go out at night unless you’re with a responsible wizard.
Avoid deep, dark, spooky caves/sewers/alleys/etc.
Sunlight is the best thing to use to keep Trolls at bay. That or Big Billy Goats.
EDIT:
Troll encounters reported county wide. Check troll-related news here.
The Yellow Door is the most famous, exclusive, and difficult to find night club ever of all time. It is rarely in the same place for more than one week. (Though there have been exceptions: as the legends go, the club remained in the back of King Brimford’s sock drawer for 3 and a half weeks, and when the Flying Pipers of Threadmere were performing, they say The Yellow Door remained in a rather fluffy cumulus cloud for over 2 months.)
Finding the Yellow Door is nearly impossible. Getting into the Yellow Door is so impossible, it makes finding the Yellow Door seem like brushing your teeth. Who gets allowed in? Why do they get allowed in? No one knows. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. 2 creatures know: Felza Glitterwing (owner) and The Bouncer (the bouncer). And please oh please oh please - don’t try and sneak/bluff/trick/lie your way past The Bouncer. No one who knows what’s good for them ever messes with The Bouncer.
Many adventures have begun in The Yellow Door. Many adventures have ended there. All of the finest performers from across the width and breath of the Fairy Queendom, the Troll Lands, the Dwarven Mountains, the Elven Archipelago and beyond have played here.
To see The Yellow Door is more than most have ever done.
To visit The Yellow Door? Well, you know what they say.
Practice, practice, practice.
EDIT:
Confirmed sighting of The Yellow Door in Telephone Alley in Petaluma, CA.